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Be That Friend

Liked Okay. Apparently I’m not done talking about this…. – Ace (Ace)

You know what the second I stopped saying “I wish I had a friend who-“ and started being “the friend who-“ my life has gotten 100% more fulfilling

good-ho-mens:

You know what the second I stopped saying “I wish I had a friend who-“ and started being “the friend who-“ my life has gotten 100% more fulfilling

No legitimately. I have a tea table in my room for when friends can come over again. Most of my friends have a key to the back door in my room. I make my friends sweaters and buy things they mention they want. I send handwritten letters in the mail to my friend who lives a block away. I annotate poetry books and give them as gifts when it’s not even a holiday. I keep extra gloves in my purse and jackets in my car.

I’m not trying to be like “ohoho look at me I’m such a good friend”, I’m saying the second I stopped going “I wish I had friends who would invite me to tea parties” and just. hosted the tea parties myself? I still got to do the thing. I still got to see my friends. I still got to be happy with them.

I don’t think it’s about who does it, I think it’s just the genuine act of caring for people, and giving a little light to the environments you’re in.

Okay. Apparently I’m not done talking about this.

It’s a lot of energy, I get that. Especially if you’re putting in all this effort, but not getting any back.

But I think that’s the reason no one does it. I mean we’re so worried we’ll start doing all these things and our friends won’t like it or won’t be into it, so we just don’t.

Only last week my friend messaged me, asking if I wanted to go stargazing with her. When I forget about our weekly virtual tea party, another friend called me to ask if I wanted them to host it this week.

I’ve been invited on hikes and picnics and pie making competitions over zoom, and it all sort of started with me going out of my way to be “that friend”.

I genuinely believe that the easiest answer to “how do I get friends like that?” Is to be one. In most cases, everyone else just follows by example, because they aren’t worried they’ll be wasting time and energy anymore.

[W]e’re so worried we’ll start doing all these things and our friends won’t like it or won’t be into it, so we just don’t.

Only last week my friend messaged me, asking if I wanted to go stargazing with her. When I forget about our weekly virtual tea party, another friend called me to ask if I wanted them to host it this week.

I like this thought. I’ll have to think about what I want my friends to invite me to, so I can invite them instead 🤔

By Tracy Durnell

Writer and designer in the Seattle area. Freelance sustainability consultant. Reach me at tracy.durnell@gmail.com. She/her.

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