Categories
Lifestyle Personal Growth

Create space for yourself

Liked Creating space for our productivity (indiewriter.net)

I see rest as synonymous with creating space for myself.

Opening space is the key; filling your time leaves your mind no room of its own. I am often guilty of feeding the dopamine machine with more instead of granting myself time to process — finishing one book and jumping straight into the next. This mind garden helps with that tendency, though doesn’t eliminate it entirely.

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Health

Keep a “savor list”

Liked The science (and skill) of actually enjoying your life – Chris Bailey (chrisbailey.com)

The definition is in the name: on this list is everything you like to regularly savor—from fancy take-out lattes, to time with your kids, to wine-fueled board game nights with your spouse.

I like this framing — savoring — rather than the idea of rewarding myself, because I don’t want to withhold nice things from myself. Other people can buy a cookie as motivation to write, but I just eat the cookie immediately 😂 I’m already hard enough on myself in many ways. Giving myself simple pleasures should be just that: a pleasure, not an incentive. I don’t want to tie my happiness to productivity — I’m trying to extricate myself from that mindset.

Categories
Lifestyle Personal Growth

Why are you speeding?

Liked And then? by Alan Jacobs (blog.ayjay.org)

My question about all this is: And then? You rush through the writing, the researching, the watching, the listening, you’re done with it, you get it behind you — and what is in front of you?

The whole attitude seems to be: Let me get through this thing I don’t especially enjoy so I can do another thing just like it, which I won’t enjoy either. This is precisely what Paul Virilio means when he talks about living at a “frenetic standstill”…

I also get the urge to push through and finish things for the sake of finishing them, but I try not to yield to it; I want to separate my personal pleasures from the accomplishment mindset.

It’s hard to be patient in an accelerating, sense-stunning culture, with our media becoming faster paced and our attention withering as writing gets shorter and pithier and video and audio replace writing.

I think growing our patience and resisting instant gratification are more ways to reclaim our lives from capitalism. Accepting some friction if that means interacting with other humans instead of using technological replacements or supporting companies designed to eliminate humans. Investing time in looking for interesting things on my own and experimenting with media I might not like instead of accepting ‘good enough’ stuff fed to me by the algorithm.

See also:

Read Rest is Resistance

Time is a Tool of Capitalism

Mechanical Time vs Body Time

Wonderful Wasted Time

Categories
Future Building Lifestyle Personal Growth

Learning to live in community

Liked Themes of a Year (2022) by Anne Helen Petersen (Culture Study)

You’re trying to shore up your own life raft. Putting on your own oxygen mask and worrying about others’ later. But there is no such thing, not in this moment, as amassing enough capital to actually feel secure. You reach one foothold and start scrambling for the next, always focused on you and yours, forgetting that what you really need is a safety net. You need community that won’t immediately use you as a footstool and bitterly and violently sack all you’ve diligently amassed…

It’s so annoying, isn’t it, that the weightlessness and safety we crave requires more work. That to remember we are beloved, we must also do the labor of loving. It is particularly annoying to those of us obsessed with conceptions of fairness that there is no scoreboard to community, either, and that reciprocity is never straightforward, and rarely takes place within a designed period of time. We’re not talking about Giving Tree self-abnegation here, we’re talking about the real difficulty, when you’ve spent your life trying to get ahead, with letting go of keeping score.

Emphasis mine.

See also:

Gifting art

We Should Get Together

Categories
House Lifestyle

Coziness comes from life

Quoted 6 SMALL WAYS TO MAKE A HOME FEEL COZY (aestheticsofjoy.com)

[C]oziness comes not from what you *put* in your space, but [how] you *live* in your space…

Coziness is about intimacy, but we don’t often think about intimacy when decorating our homes. Truly cozy spaces in a family home are ones where we feel drawn to be together, to be so close that we can feel the warmth of each others’ bodies.

I’ve been annoyed that even over the past ten years of living here, my living room does not feel cozy or inviting, no matter how many throw pillows and blankets I add. And I think she’s onto something here with her description of “rhythms of coziness”: using the space makes it become cozy. We spend almost no time in our living room, so we don’t really have memories or rituals in the space, and the accessories of life and comfort don’t make their way there.

Scale is another tricky element — with only two people, we’re floating around in too much space, and the raised ceiling looks pretty but feels less human scale.

Categories
Lifestyle Personal Growth

More personal measures of time

Liked Patrick Rhone (patrickrhone.micro.blog)

One day, I hope not to measure my days in minutes or hours, but in miles walked and pages read.

See also: more personal measures of life:

2022 wrapped

Categories
House Lifestyle Mental Health

Home organization is often a quest for control

Liked Perfectionism and the Performance of Organizing by Virginia Sole-Smith (Burnt Toast by Virginia Sole-Smith)

Organizing is a complicated drug. It’s about instant gratification and control… But it’s also an illusion of control…

My husband calls it Nesting Mode when I get super into making the house better.

I’m not sure there is a more peak White Lady moment than texting your friends photos of your newly organized Tupperware drawer…

Lol I just reorganized my snack shelf this weekend and sent a photo to my mom and sister 😂

But lots of people, particularly straight women in cis het partnerships, play the role of the Noticer in their household, which tends to translate to also being the Organizer and resetting that balance requires the less organized partner to start valuing that there is now a place to put the permission slips and library books…

I’m working on letting go of more things / caring less — although I am extremely attuned to Noticing shit that “needs” to happen. I’m also trying to give my partner more opportunities to take ownership of how our house is organized, like having him help me figure out where to store our salad fixings after I removed them from the snack shelf where I’d been keeping them with the other nuts and dried fruit.

See also: The Mental Load

Categories
Getting Shit Done Lifestyle

Who do you give power over your time?

Bookmarked The Imperfectionist: Because the bell rings by Oliver Burkeman (ckarchive.com)

And so the risk is that a period with the potential to be absorbingly delightful…becomes something to “get through” instead – an obstacle one must get past before “real life” can resume, simply because it can’t be made to conform to how you think your days ought to go.

The more general… point here is that there’s often a deep tension between the desire many of us feel to exert control over our time – because we believe, if perhaps only subconsciously, that something will go very wrong if we don’t do so – and the possibility of actually being fully absorbed in that time. So it’s not really that the Christmas holiday gets in the way of real life. That would be absurd: Christmas is part of my real life, and a part I cherish. It’s my desire to control things that causes the real trouble.

Your family?

Your boss?

Your friends?

Your community?

Wanting to absolutely control our time conflicts with wanting to be part of community, and sharing experiences with others.

Burkeman discusses the conflict between community, efficiency and convenience in Four Thousand Weeks as well. Individualism puts our focus on ourselves and our personal productivity, but can lose us the experience of being part of a whole. When our own goals take precedence, it’s easy to distance ourselves through resentment of loss of control or treat activities as items on a checklist that must be done before we can get back to the real stuff.

(I say this also as someone who believes in setting boundaries with family and not doing things merely to placate others’ demands. So when you do agree to do something, it’s important to commit to the experience with intentionality.)

Categories
Lifestyle Self Care

Listening to your body’s cues

Liked A New-Fashioned Form of Holiday Haunting by Katie Hawkins-Gaar (My Sweet Dumb Brain)

I realize this is all a bit dramatic. But isn’t that the goal of the Ghosts’ visitations? They’re always over-the-top. If their aim was to make me pause and take stock of my choices, they had succeeded.

I’m giving myself permission to work more slowly than I’m used to…

Me too. But it’s so hard to be patient! 😂😭

Categories
Lifestyle Mental Health Self Care

Defining rest

Liked The Riddle of Rest by Lawrence YeoLawrence Yeo (moretothat.com)

[R]est is when you’re not associating your self-worth with what you have to do next.