Categories
House Lifestyle

Coziness comes from life

Quoted 6 SMALL WAYS TO MAKE A HOME FEEL COZY (aestheticsofjoy.com)

[C]oziness comes not from what you *put* in your space, but [how] you *live* in your space…

Coziness is about intimacy, but we don’t often think about intimacy when decorating our homes. Truly cozy spaces in a family home are ones where we feel drawn to be together, to be so close that we can feel the warmth of each others’ bodies.

I’ve been annoyed that even over the past ten years of living here, my living room does not feel cozy or inviting, no matter how many throw pillows and blankets I add. And I think she’s onto something here with her description of “rhythms of coziness”: using the space makes it become cozy. We spend almost no time in our living room, so we don’t really have memories or rituals in the space, and the accessories of life and comfort don’t make their way there.

Scale is another tricky element — with only two people, we’re floating around in too much space, and the raised ceiling looks pretty but feels less human scale.

Categories
Personal Growth Self Care Society

Finding joy by rejecting a scarcity mindset

Liked WHY MISERY LOVES COMPANY (AND HOW TO AVOID BECOMING BITTER) (aestheticsofjoy.com)

When we view our lives through the lens of abundance, we live in a state of flow. Success is not taken from others, but created with others.

Like the idea of “an abundance-based community” — her example is authors, who “realiz[e] that readers are not a scarce resource to be squabbled over, but a community to be cultivated. The goal is not to get people to read one book over another, but to get more people reading period.”

I dig the rising tide lifts all ships idea, even if it’s hard to remember sometimes with my own work.

[S]top saying “I’m so old,” which effectively hides another scarcity statement: “I have so little time left.”

Oops, I am guilty of this 😅 She’s got a point though…

Categories
Getting Shit Done Personal Growth

The fears that hold us back

Bookmarked THE 7 FEARS THAT HOLD US BACK FROM JOY (aestheticsofjoy.com)

I began to notice that they all had one thing in common: fear.

The fear that I wouldn’t get it “right.”

The fear that I was lazy or self-indulgent.

The fear that I would embarrass myself.

These fears created an inner conflict: I would feel pulled toward joy, and then yanked back by the fear.

What might happen if my best-case scenario came true?

Categories
Self Care

You need to know what you want to find joy

Liked How to figure out what you want – The Aesthetics of Joy by Ingrid Fetell Lee (The Aesthetics of Joy by Ingrid Fetell Lee)

In a world of endless options, it can be hard to know what you really want. Here’s how to tune out the noise and make choices that truly light you up.

Without desire, joy becomes something we find only by accident. We have difficulty making decisions, because we don’t know what we really want, and so we let others choose. Life starts to feel like it’s just happening to us.

Try to make decisions for something instead of against something else.

[H]iding disappointment sends an unconscious message that our desires aren’t valid. If we can’t be disappointed when we don’t get something, then the desire must not have been real or important. To reclaim desire, we have to get more comfortable with disappointment.

Figuring out what to have for dinner is a daily struggle in our house. I never know what I want. I can tell you if I don’t want something but can’t pinpoint what it is I do. (Part of that is the monotony of vegetarian and pescetarian options at most restaurants.) I finally wrote all the cuisines on index cards and when we can’t decide we’ll draw three to limit the selection.

Making decisions has always been hard for me, and I’m working on listening to myself more, trusting myself, and being willing to say what it is I want even when I doubt my husband will want it.