House Lifestyle Mental Health

Home organization is often a quest for control

Liked Perfectionism and the Performance of Organizing by Virginia Sole-Smith (Burnt Toast by Virginia Sole-Smith)

Organizing is a complicated drug. It’s about instant gratification and control… But it’s also an illusion of control…

My husband calls it Nesting Mode when I get super into making the house better.

I’m not sure there is a more peak White Lady moment than texting your friends photos of your newly organized Tupperware drawer…

Lol I just reorganized my snack shelf this weekend and sent a photo to my mom and sister 😂

But lots of people, particularly straight women in cis het partnerships, play the role of the Noticer in their household, which tends to translate to also being the Organizer and resetting that balance requires the less organized partner to start valuing that there is now a place to put the permission slips and library books…

I’m working on letting go of more things / caring less — although I am extremely attuned to Noticing shit that “needs” to happen. I’m also trying to give my partner more opportunities to take ownership of how our house is organized, like having him help me figure out where to store our salad fixings after I removed them from the snack shelf where I’d been keeping them with the other nuts and dried fruit.

See also: The Mental Load

Getting Shit Done Personal Growth

The fears that hold us back


I began to notice that they all had one thing in common: fear.

The fear that I wouldn’t get it “right.”

The fear that I was lazy or self-indulgent.

The fear that I would embarrass myself.

These fears created an inner conflict: I would feel pulled toward joy, and then yanked back by the fear.

What might happen if my best-case scenario came true?

Personal Growth

Fear of Better Options

Liked Inspecting indecision and fear of better options by Madeleine Dore (Extraordinary Routines )

Lately, I’ve noticed I’m indecisive about the smallest things. Even deciding on something as inane as when to shower—as soon as I get up, or after I run at lunch?—what to have for dinner, or whether or not to go for a Thursday afternoon walk with a friend will make me feel stifled with indecision.

I don’t think I’m alone. When so much is uncertain, when we have such little control over the big things in our lives—our plans, our job security, the outcome of an election—we often turn our attention to the little things we can control.

FOBO rings more true for me than FOMO. I get stuck on decisions and it’s honestly become a contentious point between me and DH who has to decide what we’re watching or having for dinner. Neither of us wants the responsibility.

I especially struggle with this on vacation, feeling guilty for squandering an opportunity when I pick a bad restaurant or hotel. The stakes feel higher since I don’t know if we’ll ever come back. Another strain of perfectionism to root out. It’s an attitude I’m working on 🤷‍♀️

“When you are spending too much time worrying over what you’re having for lunch, you are robbing yourself of the energy to focus on the things that matter.” — Patrick McGinnis

Getting Shit Done Personal Growth Work

Scared of Being Imperfect

Liked Wandering Aimfully – Are you feelin’… PERFECTIONISM? by Caroline Zook (Wandering Aimfully)

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At the heart of perfectionism for me is fear and control.

When we try to make something perfect, what we’re really doing is trying to control people’s perception of us.

We’re afraid of looking dumb, or inadequate, or careless, and so we tinker and tinker until we remove any opportunity for potential embarrassment or rejection.

But when we do that, I think we’re giving the things we make a little too much power.

We’re saying that our work output IS our worth, and that’s why the risk of launching something imperfect feels so fear-inducing.

Fear of looking dumb and being caught out as (inadequately) self-taught are my stumbling blocks. Fear that I’m not as good as I think I am. But, even if I’m not, I’ll never find out till I share my work.

Entrepreneurship Getting Shit Done Work

Minimum Viable Creativity

Bookmarked Minimum Viable Creativity by Ryan Mulholland (

It’s tough to be a creator.
It’s even tougher to do it consistently. The hurdles to creation are many and the way around is usually the hardest route. The sight of others’ success in public weighs heavy like an anchor keeping us from going anywhere.

“To remove pressure at the start, aim for minimum viable creativity (MVC).


Minimum Viable Creativity: The creative process that allows you to produce quicker and collect the maximum amount of validated learning from your audience with a lower barrier to production.”
— Ryan Mulholland

“Your work should contain pieces of each level on the pyramid above. Producing with only the foundation won’t create a feedback loop that pushes you onward and upward…Value sits at the top of the pyramid and should be the North Star benchmark in determining that you’ve created something ready for production.”

— Ryan Mulholland